oopsies.

I have been very very absent lately, I'm very sorry! I took a week's vacation in mexico, and since then my art courses and all the summative, end-of-the-year work has been piling up all the way to my earlobes!
I'm considering coming back with a brand new blog, maybe for the summer? I want to do an "illustration of the day" project, seeing as I would like to keep up my drawing during the summer.
Opinions?




** just compared today's date to my last post, it's been exactly a month! woah



xox

I am Spring.

I am the agility of a Squirrel climbing a tree,
the poise of a Robin perched in the leaves.

I am the green of the Trees about to bloom,
the red of the Tulips coming soon.

I am the songs of the Birds in the air,
I am the laughter of Children without a care.

I am the smiles of those playing outdoors,
the frowns of those scraping knees on the floor.

I am the chill of the Breeze, just cool enough,
the heat of the Sun, the warmth we all love.

Who am I?

change

All my habits are being broken.

Holding your hand,

kissing your cheek.

I can't anymore, my world has been shaken. I suppose it's for the better though.

I will be okay.

Wars.

I'm feeling trapped. My halves are at war.

Half of me wants to give up because deep down, I know it's right.

Unfortunately, the stronger half of me doesn't want to.

I sometimes wonder if the stronger bit is actually nothing but a quarter of my mind, making this civil war in my head even harder to deal with.

I was grumpy today, I'm never usually grumpy. Infact even today, while explaining to my friends what a terrible mood I was in, how the day just kept on throwing curve balls at me, they asked me why it was that even my terrible mood was a better one than any mood they usually had?
Maybe - as negative as I am I'm still positive. Yep, yet another on-going internal war.

red chests and blue eggs

I woke up this morning to slivers of springtime sun coming in through my blinds. They shone on my eyelids and urged me to get up and enjoy the day. I got up and tried , but then I remembered reality and had to face it too, bringing my mood from neutral to down. On top of dealing with life itself, I had to take some medication/vaccine for my trip to Mexico in May. You had to mix powder into a glass of water, and apparently the powder hadn't been mixed properly and it made me gag, gag and gag again. I also had to abstain from eating an hour before and after - talk about a bad experience.

However, spring still caught up with me and lifted my mood. My room is on the corner of my house, so I've got two walls of windows. I put my bed in the corner so that I can feel surrounded by the light and air that can come through them. I opened my blinds and saw the green budding on the trees, I saw the robin resting on my neighbour's roof, and I saw the sun make everything alive again.

I love spring. Spring makes me cheerful, excited. Spring means summer is coming, which makes me even happier. I'll take any reason to make me happier these days.

j'ai besoin de plus de magie dans ma vie.

i need more magic in my life.

all images found via weheartit.com

You may have my heart, Jerboa dear.

- I WANT I WANT I WANT!!-

I have fallen absolutely and irrevocably in love with these little creatures. And yes people, these things do really exist. They're found mainly in deserts and in Asia, and according to handy dandy wikipedia, not much is known about them except that 1 - they're ridiculously adorable, and 2 - apparently they're endangered. Boo! Save the long eared, pygmy, and all other kinds of Jerboa!

to better days.

i wish things were better.
i miss feeling as though life were perfect despite it's imperfections. It feels so imperfect now.
i wish i could shake it off like rain, let it dry away,
i can't though.

--

Sorry for my absence lately, it's been a hellova hectic time, and I repainted my room! I'll post pictures once it's done!!

I got the picture on weheartit.com, I lost the link though - SORRY!

Strange weather brings strange things.

It was sunny just two days ago, and nearly summer heat.

Today, there's a chill down to my bones despite my layers and coat and water leaking into my shoes despite my new floral umbrella.

Recently someone who was the first to stop speaking to me was the first to speak to me again, and in a surprisingly friendly way too.

Today I decided to bring my new umbrella to school, because I just felt like it. And after school? It was raining. I felt psychic.

Also? Apparently the males in my life notice my messy hair days more than my female friends. Three of them today made comments. Whereas when my friends were asked what they thought about my hair, they had no clue what I meant.

Just some strange observations that I thought I ought to share.

I hope everyone had nice March/Spring breaks, if you had one!

a better day today.

Things get screwed around,
twisted into what they aren't meant to be;
into things that make us tear.

Salty cheeks and glossy eyes,
puffy lips and chocolate treats.

But right now I have no need,
for the sky will cry for me today.

[source]

Mr Sun Listened?

photo (c) me

This is incredible, incredulous, fabulous even!

Ever since my post telling Mr Sun that every time he came out I would appreciate it, the weather here has been incredible! At lunch today my friends and I went to the nearby shopping center for hot dogs from the hot dog stand, and for sunshine! I started off with my cardigan and my jacket but ended up in my t shirt.

It's amazing,

I cannot begin to express the feeling that wells up inside of me when the warm weather comes back. Except that I just did begin, so I guess it'd be more proper to say that I cannot FULLY express the feeling.

Everything that is good comes with the sun, except maybe sunburns, but flowers start to come alive, summer vacation grows nearer and wonderful memories from the last time the heat crept up on us, float to the surface.

I remember my best friend Carmen visiting during March Break a year ago - I hadn't seen her in a year, and it's been a year again (Whaat? We said we wouldn't let this happen again?)

I remember hanging out with my now-boyfriend for the first time. It was supposed to be a big bowling expedition, but it failed and turned into a "video games in my basement" day.

I remember visiting Niagara Falls with my family, going to the butterfly conservatory and lazing around the small "Las Vegas for kids and families" like place.

I remember feeling this way - relieved that winter is over, soaking up the sun heating my leg through the crack in the curtains in class, and just plain HAPPY.

It's amazing. Why do I still live here where I have to put up with so many months of cold? It's not worth it, no wonder those who live in southern places seem happier and more full of life, they don't have to hybernate every winter.

ps. a little shameless self promotion: my youtube account

Sunshine

I havn't been very active lately - I know, I've been on repeated field trips to George Brown College to work on a short film I'm doing for the grand re-opening of the Sony/Hummingbird Center! It's organized through school, which is crazy cool. It's exciting!

It's been getting warmer here and very sunny! Already I feel happier and more than alive than I've felt for the past winter months. I'm excited to wear shorts and dresses and flowery blouses instead of bulky layers!
So please Mr Sunshine, if you come out from hiding from now on, I promise to apperciate it everyday, maybe then you'll stay!

long ago...

It's always a strange feeling when somebody tells you something that, long ago, would have made you the happiest person on the planet. But now, it doesn't do much other than maybe let the truth be known. Life is strange, my life is strange.

My life feels like a movie, it makes me realise that those movies you see with all that drama? Sometimes it's like those movies are actually based on real life.

Time

If you think really hard about it, the idea of Time is so abstract. Aside from the obvious lapse of Time between sunrise and sunset, Time seems to be an invention, something set by circular devices functioning by the rotation of a large arrow and a smaller arrow. Our watches and clocks - these run our lives, these have so much power over us and we don't even realise it.

We all wake up at what we deem an appropriate Time. This Time is decided by watches and clocks, which in theory are all set to the same Time. Without these, my eight o'clock might be your six in the morning, and my lunch Time might be your midnight. Without our watches and clocks, our world would run very differently.

What if people would Time important meetings at "sunrise"? Patience would be a necessity, because without a set Time, sunrise is unpredictable. Time would be a guessing game, it would be up to us. Without clocks and watches and calendars and the works, our control over Time might up a notch. I think I'd like that....

[source]

Love Love Love

Due to Valentine's day, I was in a "love is in the air" kind of mood, so I watched this ADORABLE mockumentary/film/documentary movie. Charlyne Yi, the main character/person (I don't even know what to call her, as it seems to be a story and documentary all at once) is awkward in a Juno way but with a less obvious charm. She goes around the states trying to find out what love is. Aside from the awkwardness, some of the things said in the movie really stuck with me.

“Love is a chemical reaction in your brain versus the heart. We feel this euphoria… Somehow there is a little bit of magic in it too.”

“We’re not a very patient society so if something goes wrong, and there’s no quick fix, they give up. If you can hang in there, it just gets better.”

*quotes might not be exact

If you like movies with deeper meaning and that don't follow the typical structure of a straight-running plot, then I seriously suggest this one!

My Valentine's Day this year was my first with a date! Felipe and I spent the day together, starting by making an omelette for lunch (cooking seems to be a reocurring theme in our dates hmm), played Super Smash Bros with my little brother, exchanged gifts then headed off to see Dear John.

My goodness, it was not a very good movie for us to see, although the movie itself was beautiful. It brought up a lot of things we can relate to, so it was a very emotional film for us. If you're in the mood to cry at movies then surely this is the movie for you! It was amazing. We then went to sugar mountain and filled up bags of our favourite candies (chocolate covered espresso beans!) then headed home to play a game of scrabble by the fireplace. It was a fantastic, romantic day.

I hope everyones' Valentine's Day/Single's Awareness Day went well ! ♥

Cinnamon Hearts

I learned the hard way that cinnamon hearts should not be eaten while suffering from a sore throat. Neither should Fruitopia, it stings!

Sore throat you may say? (or you may not, either way) Well, my school's Semi Formal was last night! It was an absolute blast, especially since I met my boyfriend at last year's semi. It was like reliving the night, only problem was it amped my cold - so my throat is now sore as hell, all the cheering probably didn't help either! However, the night was wonderful and my emergency dress turned out to be better than my original dress! Here are some pictures (sorry for the bad quality, I used a disposable so I have to wait to get the pictures developed, so I got these off facebook for now!)

Here you can see the sequin details

Felipe and I ♥

The full dress + shoes, my face stunk in this picture though

Usually I'd just leave my hair down, but I managed to put it up in some sort of twist bun wrap thing, and it stayed up all night! I was proud.

Anyway, I've realised my blog's somewhat changed from a more "writing" based blog to a "my life/fashion" bog, I'm wondering if I should seperate the two? Any opinions would be great :)

ps. I opted for natural lips, no red. Thought I'd let the dress hog all the attention!

Positive +

Good news bloggers,
the lasagna turned out spectacularly! Honest to life the best lasagna I've had - I was sooo very proud! Cooking it was also tons of fun.

I realised in the last post I mentioned Felipe, and I have never mentioned him by name before (shocker really,). Felipe is this amazing boy who I have the pleasure of calling mine. He's wonderful, and from Argentina, and if he reads this I'll be surprised: happy, but surprised! We're going to our school's Semi Formal dance tomorrow - I'm super excited. I experienced a mishap with my original dress, so last night my friend and I did some emergency shopping and found a fairly vintage looking navy blue dress. It's perfect, and comfortable for dancing in. I plan on going for the full out red-lip-look for it!! I'll post pictures of it afterwards.

Another thing I've realised recently, is that talking about only negative things really doesn't get you anywhere. Sure, a vent now and then will actually help, but constant venting? I guess that's no fun. I'm going to try to vent less, a new-new years resolution? Never too late to start!



ps. VALENTINE'S DAY SOON! I'm EXCITED!

pPs. faux fur collar + craaazy red lips = I feel so "snobby-rich-old-lady" like. But I still like it.

Reno Redo

Soon, this wall will be history.

In and of itself, it's a pretty funky wall.

But, if it isn't clear from the photo - there are two sets of handprints belonging to two different people. One set is mine, one belonged to a friend.

Due to unforseen circumstances, those handprints should have gone about a year ago.

Need I say more?

Unfortunately some pipes under my room need to be dug up and fixed.

Fortunately, this is an excuse to re-do my room. YAY!

On the other hand, I made my first lasagna today! Ive never cooked really, especially not lately, but my mom asked me and Felipe to make dinner for everyone tonight and I had literally been thinking of offeringfor fun, it seemed as though it was meant to be.

We used this recipe, and it's still in the oven now. But I already know that aside from the quantities of beef and ricotta and maybe the spices, the recipe is way too plentiful. 2 cups of parmesan just to sprinkle on top? I think not! I'll let you know how it turns out, I'm excited seeing as it's the first we(I) have ever made!

Out of the Box

This semester brought not only end to chem class and all it's horridness (no offense chem lovers!), but the start of my art courses. I switched schools this year in order to take part in an arts program that is available at this one, and Ive been excited and nervous to start! I've been worried that I my skills won't be up to par to those the other students have developed after years of being in the program.
Today I recieved my first asignment - to create a 3D, abstract sculpture out of ONE singular gift bag. We are allowed to use any kind of string or cardboard or rope that comes on the gift back, anything! But nothing else, no paints or markers or ribbons that did not come on the bag itself. Other than that, no limitations!

I feel like I am on project runway but for art class - have you seen the episodes where they make clothes out of grocery store finds and veggies and the like? It's amazing! Compared to feeling creatively stubbed at my last school, I'm being so pushed and encouraged to be creative that it's such an amazing feeling. I'm over the moon today!

Rawr like a Rhino

I painted this baby rhino (that is why there is not much of a horn!) yesterday. I had originally planned on painting an owl, but when I went to google to look for reference images I typed in rhino instead of owl. I've wanted to draw/paint one for a while so I finally have!

Here's a webcam image of it (not so great quality, I apologize).

(copyright copyright copyright copyright because I'm paranoid about that kinda thing!)

I went to the dollar store and found this incredibly cute notebook with blank pages. It's beautiful, and it's got this kinda off white paper that looks almost vintage (of course it's not, it's just cheap... but who cares?!). Im going to use it for my inspiration notebook/drawing/doodles.

There's something about a beautiful notebook that makes me want to fill it up. The only journal I've been able to use for longer than year is one I decorated myself and lovveee. The empty pages feel like a waste, and so I fill them up with pretty things and magazine clippings and poems. I can fit the new notebook in my purse, so I could carry it around and doodle when I get an idea for anything. Who knwos? Maybe if things turn out prettily I'll post some pages here!

Life through the Lens

You know how they say that men think with their you-know-whats? Well, I'm convinced that I think with my camera.

When it comes to questions like: "What should I wear today?"

or "How should I style my hair?"

or even "Should I buy this bedding for my room?"

Behind all the "I love this" and "This would go well with that" thoughts, there are the "Oh, My, God. This would look amaaazing in a photograph" thoughts.

Not only that, if I am somewhere without my camera and I see a potential photo I become SO frustrated that I can't capture the moment. Problem? Yes, because I see potential photos all over. I probably should get into the habit of taking my camera with me on excursions, but I'm still a bit shy about taking it out in public. I should probably work on that!

Here's a bracelet that my friend Kami gave me for my birthday, isn't it KIND of gorgeous? In real life the pink tones are a bit more pronounced, but it's lovely all the same. Kami just graduated from her semester of science school @ the Ontario Science Center. SO PROUD! So here's a shout out cuz I know she reads this.... I hope! ♥♥

Colour

I've tried out using colour film - I accidentally used outdoor film indoors, so the pictures have some funky colours but I think it adds to them - and the ones that WERE outdoors turned out great.

Here are some of my favourites:

my flickr

Also, Im posting an "outfit" in an attempt at easing myself into the world of fashion blogging. I also just cut my bangs, and am enjoying them VERY much!

(my demonic kitty)

faux fur vest: forever 21
shirt: urban outfitters

♥

Damn.

My practically brand new laptop has got a broken key. And it's the clicker one - the one substituting the "left click" option of a mouse.
Damn damn DAMN. 'scuse my damnating. (Is that even a word?) I am so angry. Because this means that it might get taken away to be fixed, or something. And I'll be computerless. And I start my art courses in a week - they're called "Cyber Arts" because you use your computer for a lot of it, and I got this laptop for that purpose. Damnit.

*is finished venting for now*

I'm considering starting a fashion/style/stuff I like blog, because project runway has inspired me to delve into the world of fashion yet again. I've been into fashion and (trying) to sew for a nice long time now, and I think it'd be fun! Opinions?

--
Yesterday, my mom and I went to a fastfood resteraunt. She asked me if I wanted to "be kind to the environment" and go in instead of using the drive through. It was raining heavily though, so I said "Well, the environment isn't being very kind to us today, so why should we be kind to it?" I then found myself so clever that I laughed just a little too long. It's not even that funny, I know. But it's proof that not only do I smile at stupid things - I laugh at stupid things too. Better than being miserable I suppose!

my pretty pretty laptop :(

Today I became somebody's 300th follower on their blog. Logically speaking, this would make the lucky (not to mention popular!) blogger smile.
So why did it make me smile?

I smile at stupid things. People might call me ridiculous to smile at such things, these things aren't extravagant enough to make others smile. I'll smile because of the little old lady dressed in colours we wouldn't dare to wear, but I guess they don't even notice her.

Sometimes I think the reason I blog is because the other people who blog seem to understand things more than the people I know. They seem to appreciate the little things, to notice the small things, and to really soak up whatever emotions they really feel. Drown in them.

That - or you are all just very, very good writers.

photo from here

Where did it go?

Is there no more room for friendship in this society?
And I don't mean those people,
the one's in the hallways at school that you give fluffy hugs to.
I mean the real friends.
The ones you don't need to give hugs to, they know you're their friend either way.
(Although hugs are still nice)
I mean the ones that will take time out of their busy lives for you,
Time to give you a call, and strike up a conversation.
More than a hello as you pass by,
More than simply "polite".

I feel like the real concept of friendship has gotten lost somewhere in the chaos of this city life. I really wish I could pull it back out and experience it.

Analog

A photo from my first roll of film, developed by myself. (c)

I've become infatuated with film photography.

I feel as though it's more real, more alive. And real is a hard thing to find these days...

my flickr

Resolutions

Happy new year to all!
Wether you welcomed the new year with a party-like bang or with a nice family evening, I hope that this decade is sweet to us all!

As always, new year's brings up the idea of new year's resolutions. At first I wasn't sure, but I've come up with a few:

- Spend more time on my hobbies and less time wasting away on the computer
- Follow through with the plans I try to make
- LEARN TO PLAY GUITAR (It's a must)
- Not to waste a second of this year, but resting/relaxing is not considered a waste of time either.
- Be happy.

So, what are your new years resolutions?

picture from here